Closed

My house is sold!  Yippee!!!  Now we only have one house payment.  Maybe we can sort of be like a normal couple now.  Wow, wonder what that is like?

When the realtor called to warn me that a woman was going to call me to get information about the payoff of my mortgage yesterday, my heart began beating out a stomping tap dance.  I could just feel myself screwing up into a tight wad.  I gathered the information after a couple of phone calls to Mike and returned the woman's call.  I passed along the information that she needed and made notes for what else I needed to do.  I continued to gather the things and information I needed together.  For the rest of the day I felt like I was some sort of tension spring.  I tried to go to bed and sleep but just couldn't.  So, I got up and read awile and finally crawled back between the sheets at about 1:20 this morning.  Yet, I was more awake at five o'clock than I have been on previous days.  Nervous energy, I guess. 

I know that when you buy or sell a house the final paper signing is called a closing because you are closing the deal.  However, to me, it is also the closing of a chapter of my life.  After wallowing in my misery for a while following my divorce, I became a defensive, angry woman.  During this stage of emotions, I set out to show the world that I could make it on my own and could even be larger than life.  How exhausting that was!  I'd hate for anybody to think I'm not proud of all I accomplished during the last ten or so years.  However, when I really analyze the situation, that period in my life was mostly just a transition period and the journey itself was the important part.  That house in Rover will always hold a special place in my heart.  I hope I'm never on my own like that again.  But, if ever I am, I hope I can make the same amount of progress on a journey to wherever I need to be next.  I sat up and questioned my decisions and reflected on my journey and tried to map out goals and a plan for the future last night.  Tonight, I count my blessings and am thankful for where that journey has carried me.  I look across the room at the man I get the opportunity to share my life with now and my heart beats a little bit like a tap dance - but it isn't one of anxiety.  It is truly one of thanksgiving and anticipation for what is around the next bend in the road.