I took a hiatus from writing. I guess I had so many other things on my mind that writing did not seem like what I needed to be doing. I'll be honest, this past year-plus-a-little-bit has been one of the most difficult on my mind that I have ever weathered.
Work was the hardest that it EVER has been in my life. I felt unappreciated, disrespected, like nobody cared, like nobody listened, like I was making no impact on the world whatsoever. For somebody who has always loved her job as a teacher and looked forward to going to work each day, that was a bitter pill to swallow.
After questioning and seeking answers and weathering the disrespect, I finally came to peace with what was thrown at me and I have grown to really enjoy working once again. Many of the people at the school where I have been assigned as an instructional technology coach for supporting 1:1 learning have embraced me as a friend and have been gracious collaborators in work.
Family decisions and relationships were difficult and I felt even worse about that than I did about my work situation. Plus, throw into the mix that neighboring communities just north and east of us experienced a devastating tornado forcing us to acknowledge how little control we have. Mike and I took a big step back and did a lot of evaluating and pondering and we have just begun growing toward a new place with the world when the impact of the Coronavirus began its influence.
Like everybody else in the world, we had been hearing about this virus and how it was growing. Mike and I were somewhat concerned because we have both crossed over into that magical age to become senior citizens. We have mothers who are in their eighties and are still active and healthy but the news of the virus still made us concerned for them even more because they are active. Then, the virus became a reality we were forced to face.
A couple of weeks ago we were just moving along in our world like always and climbing the hills put in front of us. I would go off to work and Mike was beginning to work in his greenhouse in preparation for spring vegetables and growing them. For a couple of days I was in and out of classrooms supporting teachers and students like always. All winter long I have been more aware of sniffling, coughing, colds, and flu-like symptoms and seemed to be washing my hands even more than usual. I also made a conscious effort to do things like push open doors with my hip instead of my hands and wipe off the keyboard of my computer after somebody else used it. I noticed folks sitting elbow-to-elbow or across the desk from me who were showing signs of colds and flu and wiped the surface of my desk off a bit more frequently. And after enjoying a long weekend, I noticed that there was still a lot of these symptoms still lingering.
Then, on Wednesday of that week, several volunteer parents came into my office area to stash their purses and bags and often would just perch on a chair there in my office to chat. They were there to set up for the school book fair and we were excited about students having the opportunity to get new books. On Thursday, an entire grade-level of about 400 students came through the library and browsed through the options of books, posters, bookmarks, pencils, and sundry that was offered there. Let me remind you that middle school children are not so conscientious about keeping their hands to themselves or thoughtful about not touching everything in sight or careful about sneezing and coughing and covering their mouths.
So, all this was going on, plus, there was a steady stream, as usual, of students and teachers who visited me to find out why an online program wasn't responding or allowing their login to work or asking me how to use an online learning tool or working alongside me or across from me as we collaboratively planned lessons or learned something techy and new. All-the-while we were shoulder-to-shoulder in distance from one another and often touching the keyboard of a Chromebook or laptop simultaneously.
Then, about mid-morning we get word that our school district was shutting down the next day and would remain closed on the following Monday. We were told not to plan on coming back into the building because all of the schools would have a deep clean during that time. Later, we learned that a parent with student(s) at our school and the school next door had been diagnosed with this virus. Suddenly, a whole new sense of awareness took over my brain.
I thought about all the activity and encounters I'd had for the past few days right there in my office or in and around that school building. I began looking at all the people around me and wondering where they had been and who they had encountered. Knowing that we had just enjoyed a long weekend before and fellow educators and students had traveled with their families, I wondered whether they had been on any of the flights where infected people had been and thus, had exposed me. I thought about how I live with a husband with diabetes and other age-related health issues and have my 80+ year-old mother-in-law living under my roof and wondered if I had already exposed them to something. I thought about how many classrooms I had entered right there in that school and how many of the 1300+ people there I had visited with and quickly provided assistance and support with their computers - and possibly passed along who knows what. Truly, a skewed perspective suddenly overtook my thinking. I pondered and worried.
It was later announced that our school district would be closed for the entire week last week and then was updated to be closed until early April. We've watched the news and searched for reputable sources and I pondered and worried. It sort of made me think about the book Code Orange by Caroline Cooney. I became much like the main character with my ponderings. Who had I encountered and, in turn, who had encountered me?
I have now spent a bit more than a week at home. It was wonderful to catch up on some reading, do a bit of spring cleaning, sleep late, and just rest. All the while I've been pondering and we've been thinking and discussing this new situation and all the questions which arise. We've prayed together as we lift up others who are not as fortunate as we are. We've done all we know to do to build faith, confidence, and security in one another and those with whom we come into contact.
Then, for some reason I awoke this morning with the feeling that I need to write again. So, I am returning to this blog and will be writing and sharing thoughts and ideas. I hope you will come along for the read.
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