This month she let three questions guide her own reflection and encouraged readers to do the same. So, as one of her readers, I'm going to share my reflection this way as well.
- What was one moment of joy in March?
- What was a moment that surprised me in March?
- What's one thing I want to leave behind moving into April?
I love questions like that and the reason I do is because they provoke thought. I'm in the process of writing about books that provoke thought but that has turned into more of an epistle than a blog post. So, I've put it on hold for a while to do a little bit of...thinking.
1. Moment of joy:
I was kind of surprised as I sat and thought about all that had happened this month and all that had not. I had so many different things that brought me joy. I guess I will go with one of the first ones that was W-A-Y back at the beginning of the month. A little girl whose name is Joy brought me joy as she does lots of other people.
She is the youngest of three girls in her family and her older sisters are several years older than her. So, she has been watching her older sisters go off to school all of her life. She has seen them dress up to participate in school spirit days, Halloween dress-up contests, book character dress-up days, and sports team uniform donning times. Her mother is like her mother before her and her grandmother before that and the children always pose in their finery or their wackiness so that the moment can be memorialized for years ahead.
This year she is officially a school-girl attending Pre-K and her school had dress-up days. So, it was her turn to shine. They wore school spirit attire. They wore wacky, weird get-ups. She was so excited to have the opportunity to participate and dress up she did. She was wild and wacky and full of spirit and a Flucy Luci like her book character, Fancy Nancy. The top photo is her the night before book character day when she dressed like Fancy Nancy. The next photo is her on wacky, tacky day. I'd be willing to bet that there were few folks who were as wacky as that girl! She and her mother planned her ensembles well in advance and she made sacrifices like sleeping in the hair curlers and getting up early to add pipe cleaners to the wacky hairdo. All of these efforts were worth it, though, because it brought Luci Joy lots of joy.
I know for a fact that her pleasure in dressing up brought others joy as well. My heart smiles every time I see these photos of her reveling in the fun rites of passage that children go through. I also know that on wacky tacky day, this little pipe cleaner hairdo, mismatched socks and shoes, and bright patterned clothing wearing girl went skip-hopping along with her mother into the grocery store after school and many other people got to experience joy in her school spirit and her pure joy of self-expression!
2. A moment that surprised me:
Narrowing down to one moment of surprise for this month was truly a feat! What a month of surprises and changes was this one - not only for me but for everyone in our world today.
I think the moment that surprised me most, however, was when I acknowledged a feeling of contentment. I think it has become the norm in our culture for us to always want more and always need to do more and always feel there is more. Yet, during this time of staying at home, (For the record, today marks more than twenty days of staying at home for me.) I came to realize a couple of weeks ago that I am really content. I don't feel the need for more. I'm satisfied with my station in life. I'm satisfied with my home. I'm satisfied with what I have accomplished professionally. I'm content to just be as I am.
I didn't feel the need to apologize for sitting around on the porch one sunny day last week and reading a book. I don't feel the urge to do something productive like cleaning baseboards or sweeping out corners just because I have the time off from work. I am just content to be. I don't ever recall feeling that phenomenon before.
3. One thing I want to leave behind:
Boy! This is also a difficult one to hem up! Aren't there so many things about this particular month of March that we all would like to leave behind? Aren't there so many things that we have already left behind during this particular month of March?
On the day that it was announced our school district would be dismissed for a long weekend to provide time for deep cleaning because a parent had visited one of our schools and had tested positive for COVID-19, a different mindset crept into me.
I would look at people differently. I would look at places differently. I watched for details that I had never watched before. I felt like I was wearing a cloud over my head and just waiting for the downpour that was going to come upon me. I kept thinking - what if?
Those feelings began to take over my whole being and I started constantly being on the edge of an anxiety attack. I was snappier even than usual. I was more stand-off-ish. I watched others so very closely. I would have to remind myself to pause and take a deep cleansing breath. I would have to breathe deeply and close my eyes to prevent myself from bursting into tears. It was overpowering.
I want to leave that panicky feeling behind.
As we move forward into April of 2020, I look forward to navigating a new way of life. I know that we don't just blink our eyes and nod our head or twitch our noses and magically we are transported. However, I'm ready to move forward and take what March has taught me into this journey that we call life.
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