If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Closed

My house is sold!  Yippee!!!  Now we only have one house payment.  Maybe we can sort of be like a normal couple now.  Wow, wonder what that is like?

When the realtor called to warn me that a woman was going to call me to get information about the payoff of my mortgage yesterday, my heart began beating out a stomping tap dance.  I could just feel myself screwing up into a tight wad.  I gathered the information after a couple of phone calls to Mike and returned the woman's call.  I passed along the information that she needed and made notes for what else I needed to do.  I continued to gather the things and information I needed together.  For the rest of the day I felt like I was some sort of tension spring.  I tried to go to bed and sleep but just couldn't.  So, I got up and read awile and finally crawled back between the sheets at about 1:20 this morning.  Yet, I was more awake at five o'clock than I have been on previous days.  Nervous energy, I guess. 

I know that when you buy or sell a house the final paper signing is called a closing because you are closing the deal.  However, to me, it is also the closing of a chapter of my life.  After wallowing in my misery for a while following my divorce, I became a defensive, angry woman.  During this stage of emotions, I set out to show the world that I could make it on my own and could even be larger than life.  How exhausting that was!  I'd hate for anybody to think I'm not proud of all I accomplished during the last ten or so years.  However, when I really analyze the situation, that period in my life was mostly just a transition period and the journey itself was the important part.  That house in Rover will always hold a special place in my heart.  I hope I'm never on my own like that again.  But, if ever I am, I hope I can make the same amount of progress on a journey to wherever I need to be next.  I sat up and questioned my decisions and reflected on my journey and tried to map out goals and a plan for the future last night.  Tonight, I count my blessings and am thankful for where that journey has carried me.  I look across the room at the man I get the opportunity to share my life with now and my heart beats a little bit like a tap dance - but it isn't one of anxiety.  It is truly one of thanksgiving and anticipation for what is around the next bend in the road.